Friends

Because of my disability, friendship has been hard for me.

My first real friend was a girl named Elizabeth.

She was in my kindergarten class. I remember her sitting next to me. She helped my attendants. We used to sleep over each other’s houses, went to each other’s birthday parties. She has a fraternal twin sister named Jessica. We were all friends through elementary school. I was obsessed with Elizabeth. In fact, I was obsessed with twins in general. There was another set of twins from kindergarten, Marcus and Joseph. They are identical & both had mild cp. They were like brothers to me.  In high school I went to the prom with Lamile, another twin, which saved my ass. He was a sweetheart that night. I was having a nervous breakdown and he acted like a gentleman.

In middle school I had a hard time making friends. A special ed teacher thought she was being helpful and gathered a group of kids to hang with me. This made me feel dumb because it was not my choice.  I was pissed at her because it took away my ability to make my own friends.

Binny was my longest friend. We met at camp. We were pen pals after that. It was cool. She became my really good friend. We went out to lunch. She slept over my house a lot. She would tell me her problems like depression and suicidal thoughts. I didn’t tell her about my problems because she didn’t seem to want to hear them.  She came along with me on vacation and got too personal with me. She got in bed with me and I wanted to throw up. When I got home I wrote her and told her that she was wrong and to leave me alone. I hated her from then on.  But she still stalked me by writing comments in my blog.  It made me sick and killed any interest in making new friends.  Since then, the only people I could think of as friends are my attendants. They protect me and take care of me.  But some of them have hurt me.

My first attendant who I considered a friend was Jennifer, my classroom assistant in intermediate

school.  She was a second mom and advocate. I was close to her kids. I was at her wedding, to a body builder who worked at my school.  He was a sweetheart, and he passed away from heart failure. She got married again. Right after the wedding she was in a serious motorcycle accident. Her memory was gone.  She forgot her life. Now whenever I see her I have to remind her of her life. She was one of my best advocates.

Kemi and Jennifer were in intermediate school with me. We had a lot of fun together. The most fun thing was being in Macbeth.  I was the first apparition. I still remember my lines: “Macbeth! Macbeth! Macbeth! Beware Macduff.  Beware the thane of Fife. Dismiss me. Enough.”

       Another attendant who became my friend was “Cat Dog.” From her first day with me we were buddies. “Toxic” was so jealous of our relationship. Cat took care of me without controlling me. She made sure I was fed, clean, looked like a human. I love her kids, especially Faith, my drama queen. I’m in complete awe of her.  I’m so proud of her. Cat even had a baby on my birthday!  A boy named Honor. He is awesome. Cat has a grandson named Justin, who is so smart. The other day his mom (JJ one of my attendants), took me to Cat’s and Justin said “You talk with that thing.”

Since Binny, I have been having trouble trusting people enough to make friends.